Trying To Put 2018 Into Words

I walked into 2018 with the worst toothache of my life.

I was not filled with anticipation for a new year, or exciting plans or anything like that. I literally could not see past the pain of an impacted wisdom tooth that was all tangled up in my trigeminal nerve.

Thankfully, things got better rapidly after the tooth was removed without any damage to the nerve (I had to sign a piece of paper that said I was aware that I may never feel my face again and that I wouldn’t sue the NHS if that happened).

For me 2018 was a pretty weird year. I was simultaneously totally in control, and completely out of control. Fire’s burned bright, the world spun too fast and I was there for the ride.

In 2018, I embraced my desire for adventures and started travelling alone, visiting both Rome and Vienna.

In 2018 I bought a house. I. Bought. A. House.

In 2018 I bought a hamster, my first pet in at least 15 years. Then he died very suddenly two months later and it broke my heart. A few days later I came home from work to find that my Dad had bought a new hamster and I cried a lot. That was one heck of an emotional week.

I watched my baby brother turn 18, spoiling him with not one but two experiential gifts – a day out eating ice cream and ten pin bowling for his actual birthday, then a trip to Oslo as his actual gift.

My heart was sent on the most ridiculous rollercoaster ride which lasted for the full 365 days.

I let my career driven mindset take over and almost made myself ill in the process, and when a waterfall of changes started in my day job I floundered, barely staying afloat.

It may sound like a year full of great things, and there’s no denying it was, but it was also overwhelming and 90% of the time I was never really sure if things were firmly in my grasp or slipping away. I had more panic attacks than can be counted on one hand. My anxiety skyrocketed…and settled…and skyrocketed again. All of the things I suppress deep inside started to poke holes in the wall, but I quickly pushed them back and patched up the wall.

What I’m trying to say, I guess, is that a heck of a lot happened in 2018…but you know what?

I’m walking out of 2018 with toothache.


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