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This was a wild ride.
Hello, my name is Kirsty and I am impulsive. A few months ago I impulsively decided that I wanted to give a menstrual cup a go, for a variety of reasons, and after doing a little research and being totally overwhelmed with the range available I impulsively put one in my basket and hit buy. Alas, a few days later I was now the very nervous owner of a MoonCup.
A period or two passed where I didn’t use it because, quite honestly, I didn’t even know where to begin. There are instructions in the box, but I still couldn’t bring myself to read them because it all just seemed so daunting.
Then one day I found my womb having a big old clear out once again, and I was obviously feeling brave and decided to go for it. After reading the instructions, I tried this way, that way, and thon way but to no avail. I considered this to be the worst impulse buy that I had ever impulse buyed. I was convinced that I just didn’t have a planet saving vagina.
Now I guess that this blog post is a bit clickbaity, because that paragraph right there tells you everything about the *actual* first time I tried to use a menstrual cup – it was a disaster and I well and truly gave up. Roll on a menstrual cycle or two later, however, and that is the experience that I actually want to share with you – the time I actually got it in. (yes this post is just as cringy to write as it is to read!)
Rather than give you a blow by blow account like I did above, I decided it might be more beneficial for us all if I shared some of the key thoughts I had during this experience:
- The feeling of the cup unfurling inside you is quite possibly the weirdest sensation I have ever felt. I don’t even know how to describe it, it just feels exactly how it sounds – like something unfurling inside you.
- It required me to be more intimate with my intimate areas than I had ever been before. Like, for this to work you need to really get quite friendly with your down there. Also, if there’s one time when I don’t want to be acquainting myself with that region of my body then it is when my womb is pouring out me like soup*.
- It is kind of messy, obviously. Which I was kind of expecting but also I feel like I kept being told that it was a lot less messy – maybe it’s just a practice thing.
- For me the actions of inserting and removing the cup was kind of time consuming, however I’m assuming that this would become less of a problem with practice. I’m just saying that I was glad that I decided to try it out when I was at home doing not much of anything because it was definitely too time consuming – and dare I say it too awkward – for me to do in public (as in at a communal bathroom, not in the middle of the street!).
- Here’s the bit that I’m sure you’re all looking for – yes, it happened to me. Yes, I thought it was stuck in there forever. I thought I was smart, I thought that I had outsmarted the cup and then I woke up to find that my body had sucked it way up there in my sleep. I didn’t even know my body was capable of such things. Yes there was panic, yes there was some frantic Googling. You know what’s not helpful in these situations? “Just relax”. I can’t relax random smug person on the internet, my body is on the war path.
- It took various attempts using various strategies over the space of a couple of hours, but I did eventually get it out. This again ties back to that point of getting to know yourself really well. The battle left me feeling a little tender (TMI?) so for the next couple of hours I returned to more traditional period products to give my body a rest.
- After the panicked feelings of being sure that I would have to go to A&E to have it surgically removed** subsided, I decided to give it another go. Things went a little more smoothly, although there were still a lot of bumps in the road, and I was so worried about it getting stuck again that I didn’t leave it in for nearly as long as I could’ve/should’ve/would’ve.
- I eventually decided that it was in my best interests to return to my traditional products (which I have hundreds of that need used up anyway), but I felt a sense of shame and defeat in this and my vagina’s*** stubborn fight against saving really cute animals from extinction.
So would I use it again? Yes. I think a lot of it just comes down to practice and trial and error. It’s not for everyone. I might yet decide that it’s not for me. In the mean time, however, I am willing to give it another shot.
Have you tried a menstrual cup? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
*my period does not actually pour out of me like soup, don’t worry.
**if it really does get stuck up there there is absolutely no shame in going to the doctor/A&E to get it out and I can assure you with certainty that they would never have to use surgery to get it out.
***The problems might largely be user error rather than my hooha having an actual vendetta against polar bears.