So my flatmate and I watched a movie one night and then we were talking and it was 2am and somehow the conversation was turned to the all important question…how did dinosaurs have sex?  You know, the kind of thing that you generally only wonder at 2am.  I don’t really know why the internet exists but if it’s not so that you can find some kind of answer to your 2am musings then it is wasted.

What our Google search did find was a beautiful Buzzfeed article which did exactly what we asked it to. It even has a picture of a t-rex couple having a little cuddle.  If there’s something more adorable than t-rex cuddles then I want you to show it to me now, because quite frankly it doesn’t exist.

The problem with 2am musings is that it never stops at finding the answer, and you will always regret the morbid curiosity which develops in the deepest corners of your soul. This is where I tell you about what Amazon decided to throw out in the Google search.

Dinosaur erotica.

Let that sink in for a second.  This is a real thing, but maybe you already knew that.  I didn’t.  Maybe it’s your thing.  No, I haven’t read it.  Yet.  I want to say I won’t, but I have always had issues controlling my curiosity.

Christie Sims is the author of a series of dinosaur erotica books.  Not dinosaur porn.  Dinosaur erotica. 50 Shades of Jurassic.  A series within which various dinosaurs seduce and have their way with humans.  Mostly women, although there is also a little bit of gay dinosaur erotica.  If you want it, the internet has.

At first I was feeling all of the emotions, I was shocked, confused, amused and a little disgusted simultaneously.  Then I slept, and then it kicked in.  The curiosity.  I did a little google searching and a little reading (of reports and reviews, not dinosaur erotica) and became just that little bit more educated on the subject (as if I wasn’t full enough of useless knowledge already)

Dinosaur erotica is merely a sub-genre of the apparently very popular monster erotica fetish, and is nothing new.  In fact the monster erotica fetish is almost mainstream knowledge after Godzilla and King Kong, although it totally passes over the heads of many of the films viewers (including myself).  It fits quite snuggly with some aspects of BDSM, in that it generally revolves around the person wanting to feel completely helpless and submissive to the ‘monster’, and I’m sure somewhere somebody is aroused by the idea of being that monster. The more I learnt about the fetish, the sadder I felt.  I like to think that I’m really quite open minded about a lot of things, and sexual fetishes and fantasies are one of these.  I think that sometimes being on the asexual spectrum can give you a different perspective.  I guess what I really wanted to do with this post was not educate you about the existence of monster erotica or cute t-rex hugging pictures, but to share my sadness with you.  The basis of most fantasies, I am lead to believe, is that it is something which ultimately COULD happen.  You could have sex outside or with a stranger or while blindfolded.  If you had the right sexual partner roleplaying and dress up could bring you pretty close to achieving other fantasies, like sex with a fireman or Princess Leia.  The sadness kicks in when you realise that people who have fantasies in the monster erotica fetish will never be able to achieve this, in particular with the dinosaurs like Sims writes about.  Why?  Dinosaurs are extinct, and I doubt (although I could be wrong) that a guy in the cute dinosaur onesie from Primark is really going to cut it if this is your thing.  The monster erotica fetish is in fact complex, and goes much deeper than wanting to be overpowered.  It’s also about the fear and the curiosity of how it will all work and what will happen afterwords, as well as so much more.  It’s incredibly vulnerable.  As a fetish, defined as “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.”, then I think that monster erotica serves it’s purpose.  I do not really believe that people can control their fetishes, and that is okay. It is the associated fantasy values of this particular fetish which leave me so deeply saddened, because there is nothing more heartbreaking than inachievable ambition.

I also learned that the books are about as well written as EL James’ 50 Shades trilogy, and it really does frustrate me that so many subpar writers are ruining an entire genre.